Went for the YOUF Charity Screening at Vivo with Yvonne and Janice just now, and watched Anthony Chen's "Ah Ma" for the 2nd time. The impact was greater on the big screen this time round, compared to the projection LCM showed us in class back in 2008.
It's a simple film, of a family's reaction and anguish for their dying grandmother. Yet it tugs at my heartstrings in a very realistic way. Simply because it happens to just about anyone.
So when I got home and mum told me that Ah Ma got hospitalized again today, I was very taken aback and upset. Then I got afraid. She was in a pretty bad state during the 1st day of CNY, as she was just discharged from a 2 week stay in hospital just 2.5 weeks ago. She could barely walk and her blackened legs were kinda in a very bad state. She was scrawny, it pained me to hold her hands. It was heartwrenching supporting her by the arm, waiting ages for her to take a single step at a time.
CNY just isn't fulfilling anymore, since we started visiting her at the nursing home instead of her house. No more angpows and blessings from her, no more home cooked fare, no more showering of gifts, no more alertness of the mind. It's been only 3 years, but it feels like forever already.
She was much better when I visited her last week, she joked with me and her laughter warms my heart. She hugged me and patted me. In her state of dementia, she said something to me, almost like she was well again: "You're my good granddaughther. Good girl, good girl. How can I not love you?" I almost teared right there and then. It reminded me that, she still loves me from deep within. It was a basic instinct.
Shall visit her at the hospital tmr after school. I never liked the sight of Ah Ma on the hospital bed, with tubes inserted all over her.
I'm so afraid, afraid of the unknown.
Of her well-being.
Of the entire ageing process of my loved ones.
I pray that Ah Ma will be hale and hearty all over again, till her last days.
Happiness and good health.
That's my greatest wish for her.
No comments:
Post a Comment