*..Not Never, just Not Now..*

xq turns all retrospective in the wee hours of the night.

Been in deep thought about my career path, the possibilities and permutations of how things could or would turn out with every decision I make along the journey, be they big or small.

It's easy to say "Leave it in His hands." or "Take a step at a time." Yet it's innately humane to feel impatient about the route ahead, to question the plans in store for us.

With regards to the issue that has been affecting me more than I'd imagine it would, Uncle kx told me: "It's a good sign, shows that you're meant to enjoy a boss' life!" How optimistic to see things in this manner, yet I no longer know what to think of it anymore.

Panda told me to adopt a 平常心, to just take things as they come my way. To just treat everyone genuinely and sincerely as before, and whatever will be, will be.

Was looking forward to November initially, but now I wish I had greater foresight and made wiser decisions that would hurt myself less.

Really a lousy feeling to be someone's substitute. Doing things that others 嫌弃 isn't all that great a feeling too.

But I guess in more ways than one, this is a true test for me mentally and emotionally. Just as surviving AFC was a test for me and I survived it, and gained more than I could imagine. The things that $ cannot buy - mentorships, friendships, experience, memories and working relationships.

Was reading my recent entries and realized that since graduation in May 2011, all I ever blog about is work-related.

The irony, as Mimi told me last week: "Life is more than a job." Followed by a really touching story which I will keep for another time, a shining star who've inspired and touched me in an inexplicable way. A story that reminds me of how fortunate I already am, and to feel more satisfied with what I'm blessed with.


当你迷失了方向，该走哪条路？


I guess no one really knows the answer, something that will keep us in constant search for the unknown.


也许，最明确的选择就是顺气自然。
跌倒了，勇敢地爬起；
失落时，自己擦干眼泪；
灰心了，千万不要死心；
辛苦时，咬紧牙根努力奋斗。



Do everything in Faith =) Jiayou xq, you are stronger than this. Put it all behind you, it really is a new beginning here forth.


My life motto since a couple of months ago: "Love what you do, do what you love." Really hope to fulfill this by 2012 hopefully. =)


On a lighter note, it's HONEY's birthday today, 31st Oct 2011. =) Honey is the name of Panda's new van =) Had our 1st ride in it tonight, woo!!! Time to decor the empty van with dumb little items.

放得下，看得开，
才能飞得更高更远。

*..2011 Resolutions..*

I just realized I haven't had an entry for any 2011 New Year Resolutions. And it's almost March already.  A year of changes once again, and I already know what some of these changes would be.

1. This year, I'll be nice to just the people who truly deserve my patience and love, and to people who sincerely appreciate me for who I am.


2. This year, I will work hard towards the new beginning I've been looking forward to all these years, and prove my self-worth to those who've ever looked down on me.


3. This year, I'd work towards developing better interpersonal skills and PR, public speaking etc.


That's 3 resolutions for a start, be back for more.  Ideally 10.

*..If only I were rich..*

Fionna was talking to me about her starting her masters prog @ NTU with her bf on 1st September. JIAYOU PERVERT! =)

And it triggered me to really google about my Masters options.

Just looking at what's available in SG for now, cos it will be cheaper right.  So poor now, can't afford lavish foreign universities.  Then I'll have to factor in living costs and accommodation too, andddddd...LONELINESS! =(  and distance apart from my loved ones.

Looked up

(1) NTU
(2) LaSalle
(3) NYU Tisch Asia

And only NYU Tisch had a Graduate program that caught my eye.  NTU's in mass communication, not my type.  LaSalle's sounded just like FSV and needed 2-3 years -_- 

NYU's Masters of Fine Arts in International Media Producing sounds very much like Chapman (aka what we're doing now).  Half their modules were what we'd done in FSV.  Half were what we'd done in Chapman.  Hmm wonder if there's gonna be exemption of credits.  Anyhows, these are some of the specialized modules. 

Abit turned off when I saw that it's a 3-year course. *coughs* That's even longer than our degree program. 

The next thing threw me off further.

$
$
$
$
$

FRIGGIN USD$44 130 per year!!! times 3?! And that's excluding hidden costs.  OH MY LORD.

xq's from a humble family with no luxurious benefits.  How long will I take to earn that amount? Forget itttttt, just graduate from Chapman, get a nice job and we'll take one step at a time.

Byebye Masters of Fine Arts Programs.  Till I've achieved far greater things in life and deserve a scholarship, will I be qualified to consider you again.

And I always thought most Graduate progs are 1 year duration. Hmm so far those I've seen for media are 2-3 years. 

Sigh, EMOO NEMOOOOOO!!!

May I fulfil this life-long aspiration in the shortest time possible.

*..Year 2, Sem 1..*

Uploaded this just for toufyyyyy, DON'T BE SCARED TO CHECK CAN?!

But it does look kinda scary, the modules....*shudders*

(1) Production Financing
(2) Producing of Independent Film
(3) Internet Communication
(4) Production Rights & Contracts
(5) Senior Project aka FYP

So dry and boringggg, and all in US context...AND THERE'S LAW MODULE! and financing/accounting.....both are enough to kill xq...and did I mention the final year project?

*panics*

Feature film idea, hurry come to xq before 31st August! I still have 3 more weeks, JIAYOU XQ!!!!

Other than that, the timing of the timetable seems nice enough...4 day week, a long weekend.  But let's not ponder about the workload and brain juices waiting to be squeezed dry.

Oh and we received another mail with the detailed academic calendar for the rest of Chapman, it says that....OUR COMMENCEMENT IS ON 21ST MAY 2011!

Isn't that scary? That's merely 9 months away.  九月怀胎！

I'm now more motivated to make better use of my remaining 3 weeks of freedom. Jobs, hurry rain down on xq!

*..Lomography..*

I just found out something astonishing on Friday, whilst web-surfing.  It was a revelation. Haha apparently the owner of toy cameras aka lomo cameras online chain, the Joco People, is owned my a PL Lite from my batch! Meaning she's an acquaintance from my secondary school, not exactly close to her.

One man show! That's really impressive, and this chain seems to be doing well.  This facebook group has been on my fb pages all this while, but I didn't take note of who the owner is.  Until I saw a message from her on the group mailing list and clicked on it out of boredom.  Found her really familiar and we had 2756294 common friends, all from PLMGS.  She changed her name, used to be Xinying, I THINK.

http://www.facebook.com/#!/group.php?gid=313137470074&ref=ts

Isn't that cool? Young entrepreneur! WOWWWW, a successful working model as well.  She's one of the biggest "suppliers" of lomo cams in Singapore and everything's based online.  Of late, she has garnered retail space at Action City outlets all over Singapore and parts of Malaysia.  And those "glass boxes" concept stores we see here and there.

She's an inspiration.  Hmm, propels me to begin some entrepreneurship.  Especially since mole gf has already started her blogshop! WOOHOO!

It's a great start to increase our sources of income.  I once read an article about wealth management.  It says that for a person to be considered financially stable and somewhat self-sufficient in life, he/she has to have at least 5 sources of income.  Including means of investment (stocks, property etcetera), in addition to your bread and butter.

I currently have Zero source of income.  Sighhhh.  Okay occasionally ONE. But irregularly, how pathetic.  *sobs*   =(

Nvm, I shall work harder at that and achieve this life goal within the next 5-10 years.

俗语说： “不怕慢，只怕站！”
(Translation: As the adage goes: "Better late than never!"

Huat ah!  =)

*..Curriculum Vitae..*

Muahaha, just completed my very first CV attempt. Managed to dig out a decent (almost la) photo to be placed at the front, with some cropping and editing of colours to make it look more passport-sized.

Interesting how my past jobs came at timely points of my job hunts and were all based on referrals, hence the non-requirement of CV for job "applications".  During my last week at WSM, I had a bugging thought that I might need a CV soon, hence jotted down as many details of previous projects my head could recollect.

*sigh* Couldn't remember most of the project dates beyond 2 years ago.  Am I getting old, or older? =(  Thanks to GMAIL (i love gmail!!), I managed to gather all the necessary details from time stamp of previous work emails.

Woohoo, just mailed the completed "masterpiece" out.  Feeling accomplished and hoping that better news awaits at the other end.  MUST EARN MORE MONEY THIS SEMESTER BREAK! HUAT AH!!!

It's strange how I feel as though I've worked non-stop the past few holidays since I completed A levels in 2004 (with 2 breaks in FSV year 1 and Chapman year 1), but when I put them down to black and white, there isn't really as many completed jobs as I thought I'd done.

Hmm, isn't that strange? Since December 2004 till June 2010, my records seem so pathetic. =(  I haven't been working hard enough after all.

Payback time now! Jiayou xq! You can do it!

Talking about jobs dropping down from the sky, today I got a job offer that seemed really DODGY.

This guy (with a heavy accent and overly enthusiastic tone) called me up saying that he was looking for a Production Manager for his promotional videos shoots. 




Dodgy Guy: "Hi xq! LCM (my poly lecturer) highly recommended you for the job, got your number from him!"


xq: "HUH?!"

Dodgy Guy: You know LCM?

xq: "erm ya used to be my lecturer."

Dodgy Guy: *surprised* "Oh really?! Haha he's your lecturer?"


Anyway he began blabbering on about how his company is new and "just doing whatever we can manage" and "it'll be 4 days shoot in the next 1.5 weeks, will end by 1st 2 weeks of July". Without providing any details, he asked me if I could commit.

xq: "Erm sorry, but may I know what project this is?"

Dodgy Guy: "Corporate video on air-conditioning system blah blah...we have 2.."

xq: "Do I have to go into office everyday or work from home? Starting immediately?"

Dodgy Guy: "Oh it's really up to you, we're cool about everything.  You can do from home as long as you get everything ready by shoot days, it really depends on when you wanna start blah blah *talks gibberish*..."

xq's thought bubble: "too good to be true?"


xq: "How's the payment like?"

Dodgy Guy: "Oh we'll pay you at the end of the project after it's completed"  (DUHHH!!!)

xq: "What's the rate per project?"

Dodgy Guy: *changes topic* "Maybe you can come down to our office and read through the script and requirements blah blahhhh....."


He just totally ignored my main question. He didn't even tell me his name and production company until I asked him at the end of the conversation.  He only told me the company though,  which I've never heard of.  I still don't know his name.


xq: "So who do I look for at the office if I go down?"

Dodgy Guy: "oh you can look for me."

xq: "Sorry I didn't catch your name..."

Dodgy Guy: "Oh I'm from Easy Productions. You can just look for me."




Tsk, so I told him I'll check my schedules and get back to him again. SMS-ed LCM and he said he did not give anyone my number.

Quite convinced this guy's a fraud thereafter, especially after a google search returned NIL results. Pui, probably someone seeking free/cheap labour and I don't wanna risk the possibility.

Still quite disturbed that this caller actually tried to lie to me about how he obtained my number.  I'm really curious...

*..the things we take for granted..*

Was on the bus home with mum just now, and came across this really heart-warming documentary on TV mobile. It illustrated the state of Education in Nepal--how poverty often deprives the Nepalese kids of a proper education; yet through their gleaming eyes, you see the raring desire of these kids to acquire as much knowledge as they could, in hope of a better tomorrow.

Not forgetting the female teachers in the village school, who could have gone elsewhere more prestigious to teach, but chose the dilapidated school in hope of bringing these kids out of poverty. They were the fortunate ones who managed to ace their education, and they chose to contribute to society by returning to their roots & groom the future generation.

The pride these children had as they put on their stained and weathered school uniforms--these were probably their smartest looking attire. Their attentive looks and heartfelt joy as their teachers taught them English, Math, Art & Craft...

In their art & craft lesson, when asked to draw anything they like...most of them drew their national flag, as well as, a picture of a pretty home & happy family. The innocence and simplicity of their hearts and minds really touched me alot.

And of course, a Singaporean teacher was featured in the documentary as well. She was on a mission to experience teaching in a 3rd world country.

They had a free education there, but books and uniforms were to be paid for. Their eyes lit up when given free wooden pencils, balloons, exercise books etcetera.

Things Singaporean kids won't even give a hoot for. What spoilt brats we all are. If only we knew how much kids from some other countries yearned to be half as fortunate as we are.

Hmmmm, made me think alot tonight. How we should really cherish our blissful state and not be dissatisfied with whatever we have. Should go be santa claus at such places to these kids when I'm richer some day.

Nothing beats bringing smiles to young hearts, giving them greater hopes for a better tomorrow. =)

*..Paranoia kills..*

Last night was a very good instance of my paranoia backfiring.
I felt really bad and guilty for misunderstanding someone.
Glad I was proven wrong not long after I vented it via an entire entry. It was published for awhile and I deleted it immediately upon discovering the truth. The words were to hurting to bear, it shall be saved away in my private entries.

It wasn't a very big deal, but I don't know why it hit me hard prior to that.
是我想太多，我以后不敢了。

At least now I know, that fairy tales do replicate in reality sometimes.
It may be rare, it may not entirely be a replica--But it exists. =)

It isn't the big words and actions, sometimes it's just the tiniest and most insignificant of all that brings weight.


Life, could just be light and cheery like the white fluffy clouds that pepper the soothing blue sky. It all depends on how you choose to see it.

*..Patience, patience..*

Helloo world!

I was blog hopping and this caught my eye. Just thought I should post it here as a mental note for myself & anyone at all! =)

**********************************************************************************

PATIENCE is the key.

And ACTION too.

Keep doing and doing, fail, then get up again.
Fail, then get up again!
And again and again until you get to where you want to go.

I have one philosophy in life which never fails me,
and that is FOCUS: Follow One Course Until Successful.
If you follow this, no matter how long it takes
and how much price you have to pay, you WILL get there.


~ Kelvin Sng, Director ~

*********************************************************************************

I guess such is one tricky everyday situation.
It's easy to understand, but just so hard to follow through at times.

Everything happens for a reason.
We might not know the reason now, but we would in due time.
Everything in His hands.

I tell myself that all the time, since 3 years ago.
And it's been working whenever I choose to believe in it.

Self-fulfilling prophecy only.

(A self-fulfilling prophecy is a prediction that directly or indirectly causes itself to become true, by the very terms of the prophecy itself, due to positive feedback between belief and behavior.)

跌倒了，要勇敢爬起来。。。
抹干眼泪，勇往直前。。。

*..Certainty..*

Decision-making might be personally challenging for me, but tonight I've cleared almost all doubts that had been lingering in the corners of my mind.

It's simpler than I've thought it to be.

Sometimes if you find yourself taking way too many factors into consideration, it just says something about this choice of yours. It simply isn't what you're looking for.

If it really is, you'd overlook all the varying factors and charge onwards to achieve it. There'd be no questions asked, no doubts, no hesitation.

何必优柔寡断，拉拉扯扯？
就是那么的直接，果断。


I've asked myself if this is really what I'm willing to do for an indefinite period of time, and yes, it really is what I want and need to do. I'm open to others' discouragement and support on this, yet the decision is ultimately mine.

People might feel that I'm shutting my doors and options, but maybe to me, life's way too short to be wasted on trying out certain stuff. Especially when I'm kind of certain that it's not right for me, I'd shun and shake the thought out of my head in no time.

Even if I don't reach the ideal end by proceeding with this path, at the very least, I'd have enjoyed the process and the journey.

Sometimes, life's not about the end product/result, but about the experience & obstacles.

But then again, wow this IS a huge gamble on my future. But as lam says, if something's so dear to me, what lies ahead shouldn't be a threat to me. The faithfulness to follow through this decision would be strong enough to give me the drive to conquer all odds.

就算这是错误的选择，也别无选择了。

As xq would say: "YOU WILL NEVER KNOWWWW!!"

*..2009 is a year to..*

Looked through my 2008 resolutions and HAHA I fulfilled only about 1/3 of them. and half of them remains the same for 2009.

HAPPY NEW YEAR DEAR ALL! and happy birthday to nigel taaaan too! he's 21 already! =)

So before I turn in this 1st Jan 2009, here's a list of things on my mind:

(1) To find out what I want out of life & what I should pursue in the various elements of my life.

(2) Finishing lap for "Store-Bought Love", to never stop feeling for it.

(3) To be a good friend, daughter, granddaughter, sister, student and worker.

(4) Earn more $$$$$ to clear debts from fyp.

(5) Master guitar.

(6) Re-learn jap.

(7) Learn cooking from mum.

(8) Self-improvement.

(9) Go for some song-composing courses.

(10) Make the right university choice.

(11) Miracles, good health and bliss for my loved ones, and their loved ones.

(12) Be happy everyday and learn to let go of unhappy things easily.

For now, quite happy with a certain daily regime of mine. =) May it last forevermore. May 2009 be a better year yet. For you and for me!

*..expired stuffs in fridge..*

Hello world!

Had wanted to post this days ago, but been busy. So before I forget..

Mouth was feeling itchy few days back and hunted for things in my fridge. To my amazement/shock, I found the Whiteen chewing gum still at a corner of my fridge. Left a few more pieces.

Why shocking? cos it was given to me in July 2006. It's erm..2009 now? Thought we've finished eating it. But yeah disposed of it already! Before anyone dies eating it.

Heh then hunted for old pics cos the gum was part of a present from kei aka fake brother when he was holidaying in japan with yeeloong in June 2006. (jap gang btw!)

Here's the most lousily wrapped present from kei. Haha I remember laughing non-stop when I took it out from the bag.


don't be deceived by its outer covering, the inside is actually quite yummy! all my favourite! erm junk food, hence the words "ONE LOAD OF RUBBISH".


here's the chewing gum!
to calvin: yes it's WHITeen...white like me...(self-shoot haha!)


on the day kei passed me the present, we went NLB level 5 to copy jap notes from jap classes. Hmm stefan, cecilia and forgot who else were there too (doing proj with me). And kei was my photography subject! For photography module in semester 1, topic was PEOPLE: PEOPLE AT WORK. Didn't submit this pic, but another.

wow, jap notebook of mine in the pic. I totally erased all jap knowledge I think. Shall pick it up again sometime soon. *guilty* now lu and kei are at another jap school "BUNKA" brushing up on their jap. This can be a new year resolution for me.


oh yeah just remembered. Kei haven't passed me my birthday present from HK! *coughs*

heh yeeloong and kei scribbling away. They looked so different then! =p


here's present day jap gang. Our most recent outing on 5th December 2008. Not sure if I blogged about it, but here's the "everybody-is-happy"photos.

From left: xq, abel, luisa, kei, john.


the act cute version. TSK.


till the next!

*..LOVE SONG THE MUSICAL..FINAL WRAP!..*

IT'S A WRAP FOR "LOVE SONG THE MUSICAL" SHOOT! woohoo! 3 cheers for uncle calvin, uncle sw, auntie qammie, jj, kitty, marilyn and sean! =)

They had their photoshoot today, heh heh and xq went down to play around with them too! Here's some sneaks of the pics!




more spastic and funny shots of the day, individual ones coming right up! but too sleepy to upload them tonight.

Was reminiscing about 2008 on the way back home, how time has passed. Been an awesome year of ups and downs, and changes too. It's great that things go better year after year.

Yeah I know this is one random post, but feeling too disorientated now to type a proper readable entry.

OHHH MUST SAY THIS. for the first time in 4938223 months, xq actually sat down with the entire set of newspapers (straits times and new paper) and finished reading the sections! I haven't touched a complete set of newspapers in at least 4 months. Been in my own little world of mountain tortoise-ness, oblivious to world news unless I see them on tv mobile on the way to school or occasional news on television. Or by word of mouth in school.

I promise myself to read the papers every single day from tonight onwards! =) Like what I used to do in the past!

Been sleeping pretty early of late, so I shall maintain the trend tonight. Wake up early tmr, to tonnes of work. Goodnight dear all, may the week ahead be a greater one yet!

jiayou girls' IBP team for your reshoot the next 2 days! I will drop by when I'm done with my stuffs. Sorry for not being physically there! =(

*..awestruck by xq's new idol..*

I seldom post videos on my blog, so when I do...I'm really in awe of them..OH MY LORD!!! THIS HAS GOT TO BE THE BEST THING I'VE SEEN IN xxxx YEARS.

Yes, I'm on youtube frenzy once again. The 3rd time this holidays. Suddenly craved to watch SPOP on youtube, so searched for videos. And came across this song composition entry for SPOP, which I managed to catch on television some months ago by chance. Teresa (campus superstar) sang on screen, but the female composer kinda left an impression on me.

okay I just found this. It's what I saw on tv that time. 24th dec. Christmas eve only. Didn't wanna post it up cos THE AUDIO DOESN'T SYNC WITH THE LIPS. OMG.



Titled: Umbrella (yu2 san3)
the accompaniment is really classical-styled though.
DAMN NICE! so different from typical mando pop!



Her 1st classical video I saw, titled "Cry! Freedom!"
slow and resonating.



the 2nd one. I couldn't stop clicking.
Titled: Pantomime
Faster number, fluid and catchy.
my favourite of the three.



sadly, the final video she uploaded, titled "Journey".
amazing! the fluidity of the segments in her compositions.
Fluctuations all. OH MY LORD!



She's like 27 this year, but looks really young. There's something about the way she plays and her music, that sucks me in. ARGHHH NOW ON REPEAT MODE. =) This is so inspiring cos I haven't touched my piano in 45625278 years. Since the song I composed for non fiction production documentary. Erm it wasn't much of a song, more of a tune. OKAY I MUST TRY MY BEST!!! and wow she's in Berklee College of Music. And she has a video of her playing another mando pop song composition on guitar. Quite pretty too. Nice voice. Gee, why isn't she famous yet?!?! I'll be her avid fan. People should learn to appreciate talents like such, not empty vessels who look good on the outside but lack the talent/ability to justify their popularity.

How nice if I could be half as good as her some day.

yeah my laptop died, using bro's abandoned lappie now. Which has now become dad's. I REALLY HATE MSN. IT'S SO IRRITATING. adiummmm i miss youuuuu!

gdnite! I need to watch the videos again!

*..FOUND IT..*

haha i just realised I haven't done an entry on 2007's overview, so was readin thru my old entries to recollect things cos I'm really getting old and forgetful.

AND I FOUND MY 2007 RESOLUTIONS!!!

(1) Get tuition kids! (Like one or two)
(2) Manage my time more properly
(3) Improve my gpa
(4) Learn another instrument
(5) Master guitar....(not stagnate)
(6) Church musician! (heh still far off though....KIV this resolution)
(7) Get driving routes at my finger tips
(8) Hmmm and the last one's for myself to know.

the best thing is...I CAN'T STRIKE ANY OF THOSE OFF! WAHAHAHA in short, I didn't fulfil any wishes in 2007 and I wasted my entire year?!!??!! oh welllllllll.

sigh IM STILL SO PISSED ABT THE VIDEO THINGY AND PHOTOS. tried editing video on fcp just now. but the sizing was too small, I couldn't do a nice edit. OH MAN. I AM SO SORE.

nights, suddenly sleepy! GOOD NIGHT!