*..When sorry isn't enough..*

Sometimes, I can be such a total letdown to the people around me - my loved ones, my cherished friends and so many more.

Sometimes, even the most sincere apology cannot do justice to the emotional hurt I've inflicted on these people.

Sometimes, I wish I can live up to everyone's expectations and lead a rosy life, in accordance to what my heart desires.

There are only so many sorry-s I can say, and ultimately, it is but a worthless and cheap word.

Feels lousy when deep within me, I know that "sorry" doesn't cure. Yet, I can only watch on helplessly. Or rather, a part of me looks on in cluelessness.

"Sorry" is but a mere word we use in consolation to ourselves when we've done something to upset another person. Sometimes, you just wish the person wouldn't forgive you, so it redeems yourself a little.

Or maybe not.

Argh, the irony.

*..Everything In His Time..*

Oftentimes, I lose sight of what lies ahead. I can't seem to see where this path eventually leads me to. It gets depressing and almost demoralizing.

Things aren't exactly turning out the way I had envisioned it to be after graduation. Not in a bad way, but just in an alternative way.

Unknowingly, I seem to be moving further away from my dream. To the point I question myself: "What is my dream?"

I begin to doubt, mostly myself. My aspirations and dreams, where have they gone to? What have they become?

Everything's way too cloudy, it's almost as if I'd unwittingly decided to remain in comfort zone too comfortably and conveniently. I've been taking things as they come, but shouldn't I be taking things in my hands and steering them towards my goals and dreams?

A friend shared this verse with me, one I constantly remind myself of.


Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NKJV)
He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end.

Wait upon Him. His plans might not necessarily be our plans. Just be faithful and pray. Bless others just as He has blessed u.

Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NIV)
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. [12] Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. [13] You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.


I need to use my heart more. Been relying too much on my head these days.
That's right, back to retrospection in lalaland. =)

*..When fun intersects work..*

The people I've been seeing alot since graduation. The people at the Joo Chiat office I so frequent. Oh the point is...XQ TOOK THIS PHOTO! HAHAHA!!

Kinda sad that freelancers belong, yet don't really belong anywhere. Strong bonds formed with a bunch of them, but when it comes to company photo, I don't really belong in it.

My favourite office by far, after CR. Really fun working with people from similar age group, who can "clique" with you. It's when work intersects with fun. You feel stressed, yet you don't - cos you're in it together. Even when you're given shitty work, a part of you don't really mind that much - cos you give and take. Might not be a good thing for myself, but whatever works.

Been considering if I should go full-time at some company, but I'm kinda enjoying my freelancing days and the freedom that comes along with it on non-work days. There's more motivation to work harder, because the faster you close a project, the sooner your break arrives.

I honestly don't mind full-timing here, if the pay is reasonable enough. After all, it's the people around you who makes work bearable.

Oh well, let's see how things go in a couple of months' time. =)

*..I can't sleep..*

There's so much on my mind tonight.

At the very thought that I'll be graduating in a mere 7 weeks' time.
May 22nd is graduation day- the day I've been waiting all my life.
The day that I missed enjoying with the peers from my sec and jc life.

Yet, it's the day I'm gonna walk down the aisle with some of the most important and awesome people in my life whom I'll never have met if I didn't come this longer route. =)

It's a mixed feeling I get- I'm happy, yet scared.
Of what awaits beyond May 22nd.

I'm suddenly very worried about my new job that I don't even know what it would be. I'm very afraid, yet also excited, about starting a new chapter in life, of becoming financially independent.

I'm even more frightened of the new equilibrium in life that might topple the current equilibrium in life that I'm all so familiar and comfortable with.

Changes- they're all so intimidating.
You're raring for them to happen, yet you shrivel in fear of what looms ahead.

Tonight, I pray for wisdom to make wise long-term decisions;
For the strength and discipline to tackle the insanely crazy amount of deadlines these 7 weeks.

I pray for a fulfilling 2011.
A year I've been awaiting all my life, I can't possibly disappoint myself.

OH MY LORD.
Scary scary scary.

xq stop scaring yourself with these thoughts.
Don't worry, it will come to you when the right time comes =)

相信就可以。。。

Panda is going off to KL again tmr, for a week. Sobs only managed to see panda 2 days out of a whole month. What with KL, HK and KL again this one month period.

On a lighter note, can't wait to catch up on assignments and deadlines this long weekend. Byebye life.

*..Revelation..*

成长是人生的旅程，
经历过了风吹雨打，
才懂得珍惜风平浪静。

成长的过程，带着酸溜溜的感觉。
变得越聪明，经验越丰富，
才发觉小时候在童话里所读过的故事，
都是虚构，虚伪的。

原来， 年幼的我所期待的未来根本没想像中的十全十美。
童话， 只不过是过于完美，奢侈的骗局。

终于等到 “长大” 的人生阶段，
到头来才发觉有些东西寻求了好久，
却根本不像所盼望的结局。

原本以为长大后的自己，会因为没达到百分百的完美而失望；
原来，最大的遗憾是终于领悟到从小所追求的梦想永远都不会实现。。。
因为，脑海中所浮现的只不过是不实际的幻想罢了。

The most disappointing part isn't the inability to execute and live the perfect dream; What saddens me the most is the knowledge that this wish is non-exclusive in the realistic world.

Fairytales are meant to cajole kids after all.
Life doesn't embrace the concept of "Happily Ever After".
We've been had.

On a lighter note,
真正的幸福不单单靠 Fairy-Godmothers 所赐，
而是两个人同甘共苦， 一丝一毫构成的。

Without leaving the workings of fairytale endings to destiny,
We can still experience our newly-defined forms of "Happily Ever After".
As long as our hearts desire.

*..Facebook Finds..*

Been really out of touch with the world and friends except for mole, xiaobai and yitong. And my laopopo Joanne-marie ...Oh and xinying LOL! think I talk to her most online...other than these people, the past 1.5 weeks have been majorly spent with slave and my parents...

Hardly been online lately and tonight I caught a couple of things on facebook.


Firstly, a very good friend from JC aka Kaihung has finally proposed to his gf, Weishan! Felt so glad when I read it because it's another success love story of "1st and last".  They got together in JC 1, 2003.  But were from the same secondary school class from Sec 1 - 4. Apparently, she had a major crush on him since Sec 2 and he hated her initially (she's really not a very nice character before, but the last few years she's been very much nicer). But her pursuit paid off when he got together with her in JC 1. Hmm, no one understood what he saw in her but we just supported him anyways!

So happy for them now!

The NUS school of medicine graduation bear! With the ring in a box. Awww, my guess was he proposed to her after his graduation ceremony =)

And with this too!

Really impressive considering kh's a very erm, un-eloquent person and not one with flowery language. Wah wah wah! Lucky weishan!  Hope I can do their wedding videos/photography wooohoo, so excited!  JC class gathering sometime soon, I bet we'll grill him like mad. =)


Secondly,  I was looking thru gina's phone album on fb and saw this. CECILIA CHIN DARLING! I MISS YOU!!!! you look so unglam here...HAHA laughed when I saw this!

Thirdly, THIS! the FOO family photo at my nephew, Kieran's 1st birthday party 2 saturdays ago.  I CAN'T BELIEVE MY PARENTS DIDN'T CALL ME TO INFORM ME ABOUT THE PARTY AND HENCE I MISSED IT!  They only told me when they were on the way home. &*%&%^$*$%&^$!!!

THE ENTIRE FOO FAMILY WAS THERE ARGHHHH. All cousins and direct relatives. ALL EXCEPT XQ! Don't know why my mum and another cousin are missing from this grp photo, but they were there in the other pictures.

*sigh* I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE I MISSED THIS EVENT. Feel so angsty at the thought of it.



Fourth, I just came across something and it's really fascinating I'm gonna try it to see if it really works!

AMAZINGGGGG. Hope it works and the backache couple will live in eternal bliss. Freed from the clutches of salonpas, painkillers, chinese physicians aka sinsehs and disgusting medicine.

Sigh, for once, both slave and I are having killer backaches at the same time.  His is a bad sprain from work so it must be hurting more than my old ailment.

SHOO! BACKACHE! go away...FOREVER!!!  Hope his X-Ray doesn't show any complications tmr, but just a normal sprain that will cure in no time!

Lastly, the photo that slave's bro and his working partner were trying to take at the studio today. Of Boots (big cat) fighting with Roo (small cat). HAHAHA don't trust your eyes completely...no animals were harmed...all purely camera angle and photoshopped to exaggerate the visuals..

I was so annoyed with Roo today cos he almost scratched me a few times.

Think I shrieked a total of 5 times thanks to Roo today. Boots is a nicer cat.  How ironic the photo taken was. 

1. Jumped on my lap whilst I was eating my prawn noodles cos he was greedy and wanted a share of my food. 

2. Tried jumping few times. 

3. Ran in circles around me on purpose to scare me.

4. Sneaked up on me whilst I was lying down and reading a magazine on the couch...I felt something furry on my hair and scratched, put the magazine down only to see Roo hovering at close proximity above my face. Like 5 cm away. 

5. ARGHHH i shrieked and jumped up, in fear that he would scratch my face.

Goodnight gonna try out the back exercises I found on another site.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-495053/If-want-beat-pain-touch-toes-says-controversial-health-guru.html

Why didn't xq the google queen think of googling backache ailments before?!?!?! I feel like I've been dumb all my lifeeeee. 

Ahhh I finally see light!

*..Lomography..*

I just found out something astonishing on Friday, whilst web-surfing.  It was a revelation. Haha apparently the owner of toy cameras aka lomo cameras online chain, the Joco People, is owned my a PL Lite from my batch! Meaning she's an acquaintance from my secondary school, not exactly close to her.

One man show! That's really impressive, and this chain seems to be doing well.  This facebook group has been on my fb pages all this while, but I didn't take note of who the owner is.  Until I saw a message from her on the group mailing list and clicked on it out of boredom.  Found her really familiar and we had 2756294 common friends, all from PLMGS.  She changed her name, used to be Xinying, I THINK.

http://www.facebook.com/#!/group.php?gid=313137470074&ref=ts

Isn't that cool? Young entrepreneur! WOWWWW, a successful working model as well.  She's one of the biggest "suppliers" of lomo cams in Singapore and everything's based online.  Of late, she has garnered retail space at Action City outlets all over Singapore and parts of Malaysia.  And those "glass boxes" concept stores we see here and there.

She's an inspiration.  Hmm, propels me to begin some entrepreneurship.  Especially since mole gf has already started her blogshop! WOOHOO!

It's a great start to increase our sources of income.  I once read an article about wealth management.  It says that for a person to be considered financially stable and somewhat self-sufficient in life, he/she has to have at least 5 sources of income.  Including means of investment (stocks, property etcetera), in addition to your bread and butter.

I currently have Zero source of income.  Sighhhh.  Okay occasionally ONE. But irregularly, how pathetic.  *sobs*   =(

Nvm, I shall work harder at that and achieve this life goal within the next 5-10 years.

俗语说： “不怕慢，只怕站！”
(Translation: As the adage goes: "Better late than never!"

Huat ah!  =)

*..Amidst the fatigue..*

There are still things to smile about.

There are still things that keep you going.

There are still things that pop up in the course of life that affirms your initial belief.

And of course, there are still things that re-ignites that fire within you.

Times like that when I feel this is what I've been working for, this is what life should truly be about-- pursuing your dreams, every step of the way.

It may be slow and stately, but it sure is treading in the right direction.

*..It's all I can ever ask for..*

If I had only one chance to do one thing in the years to come, this is what I'd wish for.


To grow old with you =) To tread every path and conquer every obstacle that hinders our journey.


That 50 years down the road, we'll bask in the sunset reliving the fond memories we would have built up over the years


PANDA!

*..New Year Resolutions and their odds..*

Happy New Year dear all, though it wasn't exactly happpyyyyy for me, ups and downs. It's 2010, yes a time for new year resolutions, however cliche they may sound. xq took a trip down memory lane and dug up old posts to find out the success rate of my past 2 years' resolutions and how they sounded. Seems like as the years go by, less resolutions get fulfilled.

**************************************************************************************
2008 Resolutions (8 outta 15)

(1) Master guitar
(2) take some vocal cum pop keyboard composing class
(3)IBP (Industrial Based Proj)
(4) Find out what I really want to do (specifically) for a career.
(5) Know which uni and course to go in 2009
(6) Attachment at different production houses and nicee opportunities
(7) compose soundtrack for IBP & many other songs
(8) Settle thoughts/issues with regards to a certain area of my life
(9) Go Beijing Trip with sch!! Olympics 08!
(10) erm, become a freelance writer of some sort.
(11) BUY DSLR!! canon eos/nikon, dunno la. Kinda? bought semi-pro
(12) Juggle sch well with leisure.
(13) Have some kinda performance? I miss the stage.
(14) A year of discovery
(15) A better year than 2007

**************************************************************************************
2009 Resolutions (4 outta 12)

(1) To find out what I want out of life & what I should pursue in the various elements of my life.
(2) "Store-Bought Love", to never stop feeling for it.
(3) To be a good friend, daughter, granddaughter, sister, student and worker.
(4) Earn more $$$$$ to clear debts from fyp.
(5) Master guitar.
(6) Re-learn jap.
(7) Learn cooking from mum.
(8) Self-improvement.
(9) Go for some song-composing courses.
(10) Make the right university choice.
(11) Miracles, good health and bliss for my loved ones, and their loved ones.
(12) Be happy everyday and learn to let go of unhappy things easily.

**************************************************************************************

So much for historical background of xq's resolutions. Haha! Now for the real thing. Though slave said resolutions should be thought of and remembered (and not written lest they not be fulfilled), it's tradition for xq to write them down somewhere. Perhaps, resolutions are somewhat good indicators to review our year at the end of each year.

haha since a huge proportion might be unfulfilled, thought I should come up with a greater variety. Hmm I'm sure I could come up with more, but these are the chosen ones. Those in asterisks are COMPULSORY!


**************************************************************************************
xq's 2010 Resolutions

*(1) Master guitar (yes failed the last 2 years), this time with slave!
*(2) Do my best @ Chapman Uni
*(3) Write scripts with slave
*(4) Earn more money
*(5) Get a part-time/long-term teaching assignment
*(6) Juggle/Balance all relationships well (family, slave, friends, worker)
(7) Find a job I could settle in upon graduation in 2011
(8) Do some wedding videos
(9) Re-learn Jap
*(10) Compose some nice songs
(11) Regain guzheng skills
(12) Exercise regularly
*(13) Treasure my loved ones via actions and thoughts, not just words
*(14) Minus procrastination & stubbornness
*(15) Master FCP (Editing Program)
*(16) Master Photoshop CS
*(17) Watch as many films as can be
*(18) Do regular volunteer/community work of some sort
*(19) Buy macbook pro/imac, iPhone, DSLR
*(20) Travel to more countries with loved ones
*(21) 2010, more fulfilling than 2009

**************************************************************************************
Hmmm 21 should be more than enough. WOOHOO lucky 21!

2010, new start, newer beginning. =) It's nice to start a new year on a fresh note, creating stories to fill a blank page of life's chapter.

*..words with weight..*

"I'm not alone now. There are so many things in my life that I want to share with you & let you in. I want to do those things together with you."

Little words, said with a big heart. It's heart-warming how simple words like that could tug heart strings that greatly.

Sometimes in life, when you share your favourite things and activities with people who truly matter to you, you get twice the joy, twice the satisfaction, twice the motivation.

Set me thinking about the next few years ahead. From FSV graduation till the next few years, it's gonna be a long route, with a plethora of changes. Major changes. The possibilities blow me off my feet, yet they kinda scare the wits out of me.

But I'm not alone on this long journey, at least it won't be a lonely walk.

I read some inspirational quote on the mrt screens recently. It says: "Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead along an endless path and leave a trail behind."

Hmmm was about to do my research paper and a zillion thoughts flooded my mind. Got to write those down somewhere tomorrow. So many plans, so many aspirations, so many dreams unfulfilled.

The next few years, will mould the path ahead. JIAYOUUUUUU PIGGERS!!

heh heh, end off with a picture of PINK PINK and BLUE BLUE lazing in bed together on a sunday when we went JB..caught on spy cam!! Which reminds me, we bought them for discounted $19.90 AND NOW THEY'RE $15.90!!! grrrrrr.


HAPPY 4th! =)

*..Serendipity..*

The heart's feeling a little too heavy since the afternoon, I guess reality never fails to hurt us time and again. Been a long while since I've gotten upset with school stuff, and today's the "assigned" day.

有种不服气的感觉。
勤能补拙， 到头来也于事无补。
现实包容着谎言。。。
一种令人心酸的不服。。。

Sometimes it doesn't pay to work hard, cos hard work doesn't pay off. Not all the time anyway. Doesn't feel nice that after lagging behind peers for 3 years cos of academic mishaps in 2004 & 2005, an alternative route taken, yet there just isn't any perk for reaching where I am today. Had been working hard and seriously in poly days with one aim, to fight for something I've always wanted but never qualified or was in no position to possess. Reached my desired goal, and now that I'm finally here and so close to getting something, it's heart-wrenching to realize that everything's come to naught in a way. NIL. ZILCH. BOLEH.

Moral of the story.
academic results aren't everything. They don't get you everything you ever wanted. They're just accessed together with your CCA. Which I find to be kinda ridiculous cos it's a polytechnic....don't know but I have this concept that CCAs are only impt in pri, sec and jcs. Polytechnics? It's kinda something redundant.

Yet the supposed "redundancy" has come back to haunt me. And deprived me of an opportunity out of poverty. HAHA ok wait, poverty is a heavy word.

The scholarship panel was bombarding me with questions about my CCA records last month. "Why were you so involved in CCA in your secondary and JC days, but not in poly?"

Because I found the CCAs in sec and JC more interesting and worth investing time in? Because I loved PL Guzheng Tuan and enjoyed some parts of TJC Chinese Orchestra? Cos the people in poly were just different from JC and Sec? Cos there wasn't Guzheng in poly? And to begin with, I couldn't find time for CCAs unless I skipped or sieved through some assignments or miss classes? Lessons ended in the evenings and often proceed to studios/labs till 9pm. What CCA? In FSV, it's either SCHOOLWORK or CCA, they don't often co-exist unless the student is exceptionally good at time management, which I'm mediocre at.

They had at least 3-5 questions for me about CCA amongst the 10 questions. Are CCAs really that important? Apparently they are.

Another question: "Since your CCA records in poly was so bad, how do you think you can contribute to the school and why do you deserve the scholarship?"

-_- It's an academic scholarship, and why in the world does someone from CHAPMAN NEED A CCA?!?!?! And can one only contribute to the school via a CCA? SERIOUSLYYYYYYY gets me annoyed. There isn't even a CCA scoring system for Chapman to begin with! Just accumulate works in our CV, that's more important isn't it?

Well sometimes, things in life don't always end up the way we want them to be. The more we hanker for something, the more we'd be denied of it. Academic Scholarship recipients MUST have BOTH excellent CCA and academic results. They are unforgiving of those who did well academically, but poor CCA; yet they are accommodating of those who excel at CCA and did reasonably well academically. Hmmm which makes me wonder, in the first place, why did we go to school? Our purpose was to STUDY. Not CCA.

Heh just venting, will be fine in a few days. Meanwhile shall hunt for more possible scholarships to apply for. Need the money badly. I calculated after I graduated from Chapman I'd have to repay almost $20k of tuition fee loan for 5 years of education (FSV+Chapman) to the bank in a pathetic no. of months before interest kicks in. I don't see how it's gonna be possible. And I'm not gonna let my 1st year salary just go to the banks. HAIS QUARTER LIFE CRISIS. money woes strikes in more ways than one.

Heng han (Lecturer) once told me that MDA offers scholarships for tertiary education. If they're gonna point out my CCA again then I give up on the Singapore system.

*..The Superficiality of it all..*

At times, what appears to be on the surface, might not be what you think it is in reality. What you see, might not be what you get.

There's just too many annoying occurrences in life or in friends' lives that I get jaded just listening/witnessing them. Despite being in a rosily painted life right this moment, you can't help but wonder how long all these would really last.

Is Love all genuinely everlasting and forevermore?
Or does it flourish and taper off gradually as the years go by?

Gary Chapman's "The 5 Love Languages" deeply captivated me just by the first few chapters I managed to read @ Popular while waiting for slave at bukit panjang plaza few weeks ago.

The book elaborates the 2 stages of love. Stage 1 being the "honeymoon" stage and all which would last to a maximum of 2 years. Thereafter, Stage 2 has to kick in to keep the relationship going warm.

Stage 2 comprises of Covenant love. It is conscious love. It is intentional love. It is commitment to love no matter what. It requires thought and action. It does not wait for encouragement of warm emotions but chooses to look out for interest of the other because you're committed to their well-being.

Wow easier said than done. The complexity of it all. Hahaha I'm so going to finish reading this book some day! Human psychology and relationships never fail to amaze me.

Just a random post since friends have been feeling down and out at times, and I can't help but wonder how I'd tackle such problems if I were to come face to face with them some day in the future.

So no worries! xq's not emo. Just some ongoing thoughts.

The unpredictability of things.

To you: I think you should read the book! So tempted to buy it for you as a belated birthday present! hahaha waiting for my next pay cheque (that's stuck) and I'll get it for you =) Hang in there in this dark period, but I'm sure you'll see the rays at the end of the tunnel in time to come =)

*..wow, what accuracy..*

this is exactly my sentiments and inner turmoil now.


I shall let the wind guide my sail..

editing the video now and it's making me veeeery sleeeepy. Mental note, no doing of photo collages for people whom you don't know. There's no feeling cos no familiarity, hence boredom and lousy end result.

*..early bird..*

Helloo world!

Today was pretty much a bad day, except for the "Beyond The Classroom" seminar organised by FSV Alumni Chapter. It was @ NLB, on film financing and distribution. Was a really effective one, eye-opener all. I was so attentive that I couldn't stop taking notes in my niceee notebook.

Hmmm I miss being a student after all.

Was one of the helpers just now for the event. Haha oh wait, the ONLY helper cos Mary Ling was too busy @ Oak 3. Lucky there were 2 Wide-Screen Revolutions interns from Year 3 FSV who were there, so can help me abit. And one of the in-charge overseeing the event was Charmaine aka Pork's bro's gf. HAHA small world and she was amused when she recalled where she's seen me.

After that went with our new friend from the seminar for tea, whilst the guys went town for Left 4 Dead. xq waited for LCM to pass him the caterer's invoice, but he was caught up in school and I met shi mu instead. HAHA SHI MU!!! long time never call her that. =p Joined the guys at cine after that but was pretty much too sleepy cos I only slept 1.5 hrs last night.

Can't wait to start school! At Chapman University! Got the positive response via email today. Haha I think anyone who applied got in, cos there were insufficient applicants.


Mid August! Can't wait to begin a brand new phase of my life. XQ IS FINALLY ACCEPTED BY A UNIVERSITY!!!! =) From 2005-2006 I had a total of 11 rejection letters from various Uni courses. Beat that!

Hmm a slab of pork went to KL this afternoon, sorry I couldn't send you off. Have fun there ya! Last getaway before permanent job. But I can't promise I won't forget you when you get back in 2 weeks' time. I have short-term memory!

xq shall sleep early tonight. It's been a....weird day today... But gonna get busy from tomorrow on, work's coming up! So I'll be well occupied.

HAPPY LABOUR DAY DEAR ALL! AND HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY MARY LING!!! MAY ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE,_GOOD FRIEND!! =)

*..6th sense unveiled..*

When everyone turned their backs on you, I wanted to be there for you.
When it was everyone's words against yours, I chose to believe you.
When people slammed you down, I defended you.
Whenever you were down, I'd do anything to cheer you up.

The silence and sniffles over the phone.
It always felt nice when they turned to smiles & laughter.

Now, I'm beginning to doubt everything that's happened.
I'm convinced that I've been so foolish.
I'm beginning to think I have lethal 6th sense.

I don't need another __ years of this.
I don't need to be in your shadow.

In fact for the past few weeks, I've almost succeeded.

Oh yeah, I already did but I just refused to believe my 6th sense.
Right now, I just feel so disappointed in you.

I'm not angry.
I'm not sad.
Just utmost disappointment.

And yes, I just lost sleep over this. Supposed to wake up for SIFF in another 30 minutes. Shall nap abit and it's a brand new day =)

Shoo, bygones be bygones.
Life goes on.
So, let's call this a day.
Or rather, let's end this whole chapter of xq's life.
FINITO!

*..Good Friday..*

Helloo world!

It's Good Friday technically now, since it's 5.12am now. And yes I'm still in the wrong time zone. Got to get out of it really soon, by this weekend.

Hmmm had wanted to go church tomorrow (or is it today?!) since I was feeling bad for not going since July 27th 2008. Maybe I'll go on Easter Sunday instead. Having some issues with myself and angsty all. Not in the right heart or mind to give thanks. Tsk, xq wavers easily and falls into the pit of doubt really easily.

It's thunderstorming outside now. Hope that makes it nicer to sleep in. Good Friday always confirm rain. It's a trend I've been observing. Plus Hari Raya Haji & Puasa, as well as, Christmas Day.

Today's been a happy and sad day. More sad than happy. Disappointing I would say. Happy cos finally had an outing with our oak 3 producer aka Mama Dennis Pok, photos tomorrow.

Sad? Don't get me started.

It's times like this that makes you wonder if He's still there, overlooking the every detail of your life.


Really, can't help but lose faith. It seems each time a series of blessings shower upon me, there'll ALWAYS be disappointing stuff that follows subsequently.

Goodbye... 530am already...xq get rid of these thoughts and sleep now!! Oh ya, my throat still hurts like crazy... =(

Happy Good Friday to all believers anyway!!! xq needs a break from all these.....*sigh*

*..What really matters..*

Came across this out of the blue TVC (aka television commercial) by MCYS.

"Funeral", directed by Malaysian female director Yasmin Ahmad. The one who directed "SEPET", haha one of the only films watched in regional cinema class that didn't make anyone fall asleep.

"Funeral" shows the short and impactful eulogy given by the deceased man's wife, about what truly matters.



The final portion was really meaningful I guess. WOW killer lines, that contain so much depth.

"In the end, it's these small things that you remember. The little imperfections that make them perfect for you. So my dear children, I hope one day you too find yourself life partners, who are as beautifully imperfect as your father was to me. "

Indeed, the little things that matter most. The subtle, insignificant ones that leave deep imprints in your memory bank. They don't have to be perfect in everyone else's eyes, but just to your very own.

*..why, what, how..*

Things are different now.
Somewhat different, yet repetitive in some ways.

I can't help but ask myself why?
And then what?
and how?

It's a very simple concept, we're the ones who are making things hard and impossibly bearable.

Maybe we'll know one day.
Just maybe.

If all would surmount to a ring of nothingness, or if there'd be a pay-off at the end of the route.

If only we have eyes like the crystal-all-seeing ball. That could penetrate time and forecast the future.

Would life be boring and bland if we had that ability?

*..Happy April Fool's..*

Helloo world!!

At FSV Chalet now, everyone's playing games/watching movies downstairs but xq's being anti-social cos she's been having bad withdrawal symptoms from deprivation of her internet and her laptop.

HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY!! 3 people tried to trick me today, and I only fell for one...Actually didn't really fall for it, but the pay-off for that person, aka uncle calvin, was the best for them!!! PUIIIII!!!!! more details other time!

It's my luckiest day in 2009! I received 3 pieces of very good news, and all of a sudden, I feel the hype for a brand new lifeeeee. CAN'T WAIT FOR IT! I will settle everything I need to by Sunday, and Monday will be a new phase of my life. Really excited man! =)

But received one very bad piece of news too, confirmed my suspicions.. Hahaha oh well, maybe we can't have everything in life sometimes. When there's good news, there's bound to be bad ones... Just feel quite erm, shattered...as one of my greatest dreams since 2 years ago gone with the wind just like that... =(

A mixture of 妒忌 and 不服气....

But well this will pass! It's not the last straw yet and there's till hope in other forms.. I believe that hard work and perseverance pay off 100% the time, so I will make the biggest dream of mine come true in the next 1 year! =)

Sometimes it's good to be optimistic & hopeful, but the feeling sucks when at the end of all these anticipation, you suffer the greatest fall of all due to the impact of extreme disappointment. Argh, why am I so bothered by this? =( Maybe because I placed too much hope on it, I gave too much of myself to that... during those several months...you could say I sold my soul to it...but there were others who did the same too...just that we tend to be selfish at times & competitiveness comes into the picture...

Well emo stuff aside. Let's focus on the pieces of good news!! and the fun there's gonna be at the chalet tmr!!! =)

It's been a long while since I'm feeling like all the dark cloud's going away from me. And anticipating the golden pot at the end of the rainbow!

Hmmmm, I'm suddenly missing my family alot. HAHAHA don't know why. Brother is flying to taiwan to train his army boys on Friday morning for a month. Good thing is, I get to drive his car for A WHOLE MONTH!! WOOHOO!!! I shall go photography trips with it!! Bad thing is, I'm gonna miss my brother and his bullyings so much. =(

I want to send him off at the airport, but I think I'll cry when I see him enter the departure gates. HAHAHAHA yes I know, damn lousy. My weakness is the airport's departure gates.