*..Serendipity..*

The heart's feeling a little too heavy since the afternoon, I guess reality never fails to hurt us time and again. Been a long while since I've gotten upset with school stuff, and today's the "assigned" day.

有种不服气的感觉。
勤能补拙， 到头来也于事无补。
现实包容着谎言。。。
一种令人心酸的不服。。。

Sometimes it doesn't pay to work hard, cos hard work doesn't pay off. Not all the time anyway. Doesn't feel nice that after lagging behind peers for 3 years cos of academic mishaps in 2004 & 2005, an alternative route taken, yet there just isn't any perk for reaching where I am today. Had been working hard and seriously in poly days with one aim, to fight for something I've always wanted but never qualified or was in no position to possess. Reached my desired goal, and now that I'm finally here and so close to getting something, it's heart-wrenching to realize that everything's come to naught in a way. NIL. ZILCH. BOLEH.

Moral of the story.
academic results aren't everything. They don't get you everything you ever wanted. They're just accessed together with your CCA. Which I find to be kinda ridiculous cos it's a polytechnic....don't know but I have this concept that CCAs are only impt in pri, sec and jcs. Polytechnics? It's kinda something redundant.

Yet the supposed "redundancy" has come back to haunt me. And deprived me of an opportunity out of poverty. HAHA ok wait, poverty is a heavy word.

The scholarship panel was bombarding me with questions about my CCA records last month. "Why were you so involved in CCA in your secondary and JC days, but not in poly?"

Because I found the CCAs in sec and JC more interesting and worth investing time in? Because I loved PL Guzheng Tuan and enjoyed some parts of TJC Chinese Orchestra? Cos the people in poly were just different from JC and Sec? Cos there wasn't Guzheng in poly? And to begin with, I couldn't find time for CCAs unless I skipped or sieved through some assignments or miss classes? Lessons ended in the evenings and often proceed to studios/labs till 9pm. What CCA? In FSV, it's either SCHOOLWORK or CCA, they don't often co-exist unless the student is exceptionally good at time management, which I'm mediocre at.

They had at least 3-5 questions for me about CCA amongst the 10 questions. Are CCAs really that important? Apparently they are.

Another question: "Since your CCA records in poly was so bad, how do you think you can contribute to the school and why do you deserve the scholarship?"

-_- It's an academic scholarship, and why in the world does someone from CHAPMAN NEED A CCA?!?!?! And can one only contribute to the school via a CCA? SERIOUSLYYYYYYY gets me annoyed. There isn't even a CCA scoring system for Chapman to begin with! Just accumulate works in our CV, that's more important isn't it?

Well sometimes, things in life don't always end up the way we want them to be. The more we hanker for something, the more we'd be denied of it. Academic Scholarship recipients MUST have BOTH excellent CCA and academic results. They are unforgiving of those who did well academically, but poor CCA; yet they are accommodating of those who excel at CCA and did reasonably well academically. Hmmm which makes me wonder, in the first place, why did we go to school? Our purpose was to STUDY. Not CCA.

Heh just venting, will be fine in a few days. Meanwhile shall hunt for more possible scholarships to apply for. Need the money badly. I calculated after I graduated from Chapman I'd have to repay almost $20k of tuition fee loan for 5 years of education (FSV+Chapman) to the bank in a pathetic no. of months before interest kicks in. I don't see how it's gonna be possible. And I'm not gonna let my 1st year salary just go to the banks. HAIS QUARTER LIFE CRISIS. money woes strikes in more ways than one.

Heng han (Lecturer) once told me that MDA offers scholarships for tertiary education. If they're gonna point out my CCA again then I give up on the Singapore system.