*..What is life?..*

Sometimes I ask myself, what is it I seek in life?
Life after graduation?

Is it passion or bread & butter.
Ideally, it'd be both- bread & butter a subset of passion.
But 1.5 months on, I realize how impossible it is to attain my ideal scenario.

And so I see myself selling myself to work.
Slave to work.
Slave to my employers.
Slave to the Macs.

I've been eating practically every meal in front of the computer when I'm at work, there isn't time to eat out like what normal office workers should do. And that is if I even have time to eat at all.

Hmm I think I've lost another 2-3 kg. Yikes, I will never reach my old weight at the rate I'm going.

Emily's right. My life is unpredictable, shall see how long I can last in this state of life.

I'm not complaining, just maybe whining a little. But sometimes I just feel so deprived of my own time, "me" time, time with family and friends, time with loved ones, leisure time... I feel constantly nervous, anxious and paranoid - because I have to be at so many places within the same day. Or when projects clash, I feel very bothered emotionally as I feel the obligation to be at both places at the same time.

Just as I thought projects are clearing up, new projects creep up and...they are showing signs of clashing already. ARGH, I was super free for the past 3 days and nothing cropped up. But the moment I had something on today, everything just had to coincide somehow or other.

Sometimes I wish...
Life could be more predictable and more stable.

But then again, maybe that's what makes life interesting now.
Like I made 3 new friends today =)

But I'm sad that I got to wake up in 2 hrs' time for work.
Crazy deadlines keep surrounding me.
Like today I had 3 hours to finish a 1st cut for Singtel. CRAZY OR WHAT! Then carolyn and I stayed in office till 3am, because client is viewing it again at friggin 9am tomorrow. And there were quite a lot of changes.

Fingers crossed, feeling really...
unsettled.

*..真的累了..*

只剩寥寥的6个星期就毕业了，但教授都毫无犹豫地把我们折磨得团团转。。。功课，作业，讲座，报告， 许多而外活动，似乎要我们的命。
累得什么都不想做，
迫不及待把一切烦恼抛到九霄云外；
累得没有冲劲，
所做的东西都是在为了达到作业的需求而做的，不再出自内心。

Feeling so insecure and stressed now, I can't believe I would actually feel this way again.

A mere 6 weeks, and the workload keeps piling up like nobody's business and we don't see any end to the list of deadlines.  So much for them planning for the syllabus- actually only one professor keeps tilting our equilibrium of deadlines- but one is lethal enough - for he's the one taking us for the 2 most important and tedious modules of the final semester.

STOP GIVING US GROUP ASSIGNMENTS JUST FOR THE SAKE OF GIVING! Really senseless doing non-related assignments so he could make up our percentages. Really sick of assignments that pop up at the very last moment - his emails are never about good news. Honestly, we are all working on very tight timelines now, the worst thing is to tie us down with scheduling of group meetings. Zzzz.

=( I feel guilty if I even sleep these days. For the amount of work we have on hand (and god knows how much more hidden homework we have), is enough to last us for months and months, but we have only 6 weeks left.  It seems that even in the event that we do not sleep at all due to some special prowess possessed, it is still impossible to complete the tasks on hand.

That said, I'm in a depressive state.
Shall go into hibernation from the world after this week.
SIGH. ALL THAT ANGST.

And now, we even have to go to school on our "free" days which we could have used to catch up on our deadlines. School till 9pm tmr, when it's our free day.

Life is really boring now.
Seriously can't wait for graduation.
May 22nd.

But that would mark the parting of ways of precious friendships.
Sigh, I hate departures and partings.

New beginnings- they are but a love-hate "entity" to me.

*..101010 was annoying..*

Stayed over at miss mole's house to help out in her tabulation of marks and counting of summary words to facilitate her marking of the final year papers of her sec 1 students.  And she treated us to macs breakfast in the morning.  We decided to ask xiaobai along and she did come! =)

but that was about all that was nice to 101010. Nice date, but sucky day it turned out to be.

had wanted to watch Memento with slave.  but the moment I got home and checked my email, I was greeted by this annoying announcement from my lecturer.

So they were mostly due in class on Wednesday and he very conveniently brought forward everything to sunday night. And mind you, some of the things could take an eternity to do. Esp the story outline/treatment for Senior Project.

And so xq spent 1-5pm doing poster for Indie Film with Joanna mary, email blasts. Getting all angsty with Photoshop simply becos I'm lousy at it and really sucks to know what you want to achieve, but not be able to do that due to restrictions of my limited (lousy) skill.  Had to keep googling for step by step guides.

Spent 5-8pm brainstorming my story idea and loopholes with slave. It would have taken weeks if I'd done it alone.

8-9pm eating nice dinner by mama foo. Oh that 2nd nice thing of 101010.

9-1am typing my treatment in full, 5 pages of prose. Only to realize at the end of it that there are still many loopholes to the story.  But still submitted it just to meet the deadline. Shall refine it when time permits or inspiration strikes.

1-2am thinking and typing out my marketing and distribution plan but gave up halfway cos my brain could not decipher nor process what I was typing.

I swear I haven't done that much homework all in a day.

Thanks lecturer! For the really last minute notice that killed all of us.  Almost everyone was half dead in class today, and probably a good half of them barely slept last night.

Sigh. Did I mention, there's Internet Communications' MID TERM ON WEDNESDAY?! means our tuesday is no break, but for studying.  

JUST KILL ME.

*..Our sole entertainment in our miserable rooms..*

What do Chapman students do in their hostels when they get back each night?

Skype is what occupies our night hours, we get barely 3 hours of sleep everyday. I MISS THE SAME OLD PEOPLE TOO =( Esp mama and papa foo. And PINK PINK! miss hugging her to sleep each night! 2 more days!!















So be careful the next time you skype any of us. Mac's screenshot function rocks socks!! =) You've been forewarned

If only we could skype anyone we missed, how nice that would be. A livefeed video right on your laptop's screen, and free voice calls internationally. What could beat that? Nonetheless, not all things work out in accordance to our ideals.

TSK. OH MISERY THAT SCHOOL'S GONNA BE HECTIC WHEN MONDAY COMES. Right after we land. =(

*..OH MY LORDDDDDDDD..*

waiting for slave to end work in school study area now, had wanted to do some assignments but brain is oversaturated and I'm just stoning and watching a Pixar documentary on youtube now. Mary Ling showed it to me as part of our presentation materials.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH it's thursday, thus friday tmr. By right, should have the "YAYYY" factor, but somehow I can't feel it. All I'm feeling is lethargy from school and the annoying flu/cough/phlegm/bad throat that has been with me for one week exactly. Put all together, I feel ANGSTY.

We've survived 2 weeks of school! well, not sure if we'll survive the following week cos it's killerrrrrrr. 856275628 assignments to complete over the weekend. xq learnt from her lesson of trying to complete the work the night before or on the morning itself as evident this week. Not gooddddd. So must finish all by sunday or monday!

Now let's list down what's to be done.

Screenwriting module: 2 write ups (might postpone 1), read 1 feature length screenplay and do an analysis, 1 script.

Overview of Producing module: short write up on one trade market article, Proj with mary ling due (consists of 5 page formal report + 15 minutes presentation on Pixar producer John Lassiter)

Producing for Broadcast module: 1 write up, research for upcoming group presentation in 5 weeks' time.

not to mention 4598265824 readings for just about every module. Think by the end of the 2 years, we'll all be pros at reading and writing out chunks of materials. Actually, these are things I like to do, but in excess...it's just.....URGH! -_-

so pek chek and put off by the workload that I just ate a whole sandwich though I wasn't hungry. Just wanted to chew on something to vent. hahaha!

randomly surfing facebook and found some photos from Blood Ties gala premiere which I had wanted to blog about but no time no time.

xq, and the 2 behind-the-scenes photographers (Anthony & Jacky) who were also engaged for the Boku Film's feature shoot. Hilarious, think I was searching for slave, stan & peipei. Didn't realize it was caught on camera UNGLAM-ly.


check out the 3rd row from the back. the green shirt guy is eric. xq's beside. Then peipei and stan beside us. HAHAHA like that also can recognize!


tadah. Picture of the day. Has cinegear's jackie and mimi, stan & pei pei, just nice cut off my face, charlyn, zoe-ann etc. so many pple!


okay that's all folks. May the sick get well soon!!!

What a depressing week at school. So much for looking forward to a niceee weekend... =(

*..therapeutic drives..*

Jialat 730am now and I'm still wide awake after a bath.
Wrapped at 1 plus am. By the time we sent people home, reached jy's house at about almost 3am. xq was contemplating staying...but felt the need to be home..so cabbed home after midnight surcharge was over at 6am...

The past 2 shoot days had driving scenes, hence the car on set.
To fetch and return the car.
To transport people to and from and around locations.
Thanks to jiayun for convincing her mum to lend us her car. Hmm feel really bad that her mum's inconvenienced by us.

Hmmmm really like to drive! HAHAHA though it can be tiring at times, especially for road idiots. Have to constantly keep a look out for every possible road sign. It is only in such times that you learn to appreciate the very detailed road signs.

Who needs street directories when the signs are so effective? HAHA ZHUAI! okay, it's fun to get lost also, if you follow the wrong sign.

suddenly very sleepy nowwwww. Blog soon again. Shall catch some winks and wake up an hour later for work. =( SIAN.

if only I can nua the whole day.. well few more days to go! =) goodnight!

*..Fear..*

It's times like this, when you feel there's a possibility that you'll fall short of others' expectations and disappoint them, that you feel the inability to deliver something you've promised that makes me feel like shrinking away from the world...and squirm in my world of escapism.

Really, why do we like to make our own lives difficult? Do we seek pleasure/thrill out of these?

Probably so, it is the overcoming of such obstacles that makes life more colourful, our days more fulfilling.

Feel so lost, don't know which to get started on. Well, a step at a time xq. Thank god it's my off day from work today and tomorrow. Stall time for the 976582352 other things on hand.

*..Life's like that..*

You know the severity of things when you don't know what to say about it anymore. When you know not of what to do about it anymore. Don't even bother to explain things anymore. In no mood to share things with a listening ear anymore. Wanting to keep everything within yourself.

Not crying aloud.
Bleeding tears.
Tears from the immense and inexplicable hurt that's stinging from within.

Really.
I don't know what hit you to make you behave like that.

I just feel so wronged.
I've never felt any more accused than today, though I've been through similar situations like this before. But today you did something you've never done to me all 23 years of my life. I still can't believe you did that.

I understand your emotional turmoil and pressure from all mediums.
I don't know how I can help you.
I want to be there with you, but there's just too many things I need to do I can't be home with you all the time.

It's just suffocating to keep all these in me.
I can't seem to stop those tears, it's been an hour.

=( =( =( =( =(

Sigh. Blogger's one of my best confidante I guess.

*..Facebook madness..*

Helloo world!

This is an entry for my own pleasure. Hahaha store the screenshots in this entry cos they're clogging up my laptop.

Over the past 2 days, xq has been spamming facebook quizzes. Hahaha it's like that when I'm bored. I think I need to quit internet, addicted to it already. TSKKKKK. Bq msn-ed me and said: "You very free ah? did so many facebook quizzes." (STALKER OMG!!! that makes 2 stalkers..hahaha!)

Here are the more interesting ones.


It says here that I would be a strict mum in future. Hahaha I wanna be like my mother!


I was super happy when I got this result. HAHAHAHA my fairytale ending!!! First and last! Erm, which might be impossible now come to think of it.


Alexandria & I...and our confused identities...HAHAHA! She's xq, and I'm alex (when we talk to each other).


Well, is deep thinker a nicer word for THINK TOO MUCH? haha!


I think this quiz was...annoying....


I've always wanted to major in music! =) Went into FSV for Music For Picture speciality track, only to realize after 2 years that...They aren't gonna open the module for IBP semester. *sobs*


"How OCD Are You?"...I just had to do this quiz...Hahaha uncle sw said: "I don't need a quiz to know that you're OCD."


Haha life really is slow now, and I'm kinda liking it.


And I'm kinda sick of Pet Society already, but can't help it that my pet is soooo cute. Its old clothes. Awwww.


Then I changed Piggie's dress. Now it looks like a PRINCESSSSS! =)


And wow, yesterday I won 500 coins! My highest win so far! Too bad it's a pseudo-world there.


And I have no idea why my pig likes to sleep on the floor sometimes, when I've spent thousands on sofas, beds and chairs....


my new favourite game...


I loveee spelling games..


and grammar games...


HAHA here's a question that cracked me up.


oh i screenshot this because, I've never seen this word all my life. Gotta learn new vocab.


Singlish tests! HAHAHA pretty hilarious questions.



Okay xq, please make better use of your time.

*..New Generation Photobooth..*

Haha more photos to wash the emo entries awayyyyyy!!!

Photobooth, aka the mac phototaking software. New version from JJ's Mac Book Pro which can take multiple shots, great for self-obsessing. Which was what we did on the 1st night of FSV Chalet from 1-3rd April.

more commonly known as 四连拍..must have the　かわいい (Kawaii aka cutesy) poses and handsigns too! (indicating the sequential order of the photos!)










see! guys also cam whore okay! hahaha!!!!! at least Jerry, Uncle Calvin & JJ do. but in interesting ways.

too bad the shutter speed was too quick. Hahaha! shutter speed, hmm rather the duration between each shot. Hence the blurred motion and the erm....unpreparedness...

SO FUN! I want a Photobooth like that too! but mine's the old version. =( JJ says it can't be upgraded cos my camera cannot support the specs. Oh yah, new photobooth can take videos too... There was a video taken of us trying to pose, thinking it's a photo. Erm I think it was just me in the video... (&^&$&$%$^%#$^!!!!!!!

Goodbyeee! Shall visit grandma today! Accompany her eat dinner else she'll be moody, like her granddaughter now. MARSILING LEH! sighhh =(

*..Shaun-Paul, our lousy tourguide of the day..*

Helloo world!

I realized that I'm engulfing this space with loooong endless words, with no pictures. So shall do a photo post! HAHA excessive photos. It's funny how you can only camwhore at certain outings. Not with every clique.

Last Friday, 27th March 2009, went to 489572 places. I've never been to so many locations back to back within a single outing. Usually just 2-3 places.

Their 1st stop was HK Cafe @ PS, but I wasn't there as my 1st stop was Compassvale Secondary. Went there to meet JJ (who was working there with his livesound crew) to get Love Song dvd for uncle aka free maid service.

2nd stop was Pool @ Marina Square. Check out xq's lousy skills. Haha but I managed quite a few balls at random times due to excessive luck. So when I actually score, they'll applause. wahahaha NOOB.


here's the pro la...


2nd stop was Morton's Bar @ Marina Oriental Hotel (or was it mandarin i forgot). Shaun-Paul took us round and round the area trying to get to the hotel in the shortest possible route, only to realize that we made a huge detour. After that, no one trusted his directions anymore. Even uncle sw's gut feelings more zun.

There was a really cool fire lamp. Can adjust the flame somemore. Pig base somemore! Some uncle covered the cute pig somemore. Hais.


a must-have "Everybody-is-happy" photo we got the waiter to take.


sw & his new friends, Lin Zi & Zhang Yun.


xq & her new friends, Lin Zi & Zhang Yun.


xq & her OLD friends, uncle sw & shaun-paul lopez.


uncle sw & his old army friend, Shaun-Paul.


Zhang Mei, the girls' fellow nurse friend joined in towards the end. Another "Everybody-is-Happy" photo!!


Next stop, Lunar Bar @ Clarke Quay. Cheena Piang place with Cheena music. I LIKE!!! The live band's really awesome, like some live concert atmosphere, with live feed (live broadcast on the many screens in the club). Haha but uncle sw & I couldn't help but make comments like: "Overexposed like mad", "Blown till cannot see", "eeee never white balance", "off focus la...", "or we take over the camera?"

Occupational Hazard only!

They gave a really huge jar of ice. I love ice! ended up chewing more than putting them into my cup.


Wahhhhh nice blocking, literally. White hands.


I should come up with a name for this "clique" combination soon. Can't think of any.


Haha yeah that was a very good self-taken photo (aka zi pai), check out the BEHIND THE SCENES photo.


sigh, Shaun-Paul's skills deteriorating. Not everyone's in frame.


there was a Mao Ze Dong mini statue near the entrance, and we mimicked him!


The main subjects of the photo are the fingers!


the alcohol of the night. SPL taught us alot of games, really funny! Laugh till can die. More fun to sabo people though! Lucky xq's a girl, so no one will force me to drink more than what I think I should. (my hands shake terribly with alcohol intake).


haha I really like taking photos of my fingers and...shoes...(soh hwee, cecilia, toufy, huimin, jo and gina don't laugh ah!)


me and my OLD friend, uncle sw. Zi Pai ok, my skill not bad too.


SPL & sw were really loving the whole night. I bet they've never taken so many photos together in all the years they've known each other.


Awww....


=)


their poses so sweet, like teenage couples' kind of photos.


look quite compaitable eh? Model pose somemore.


Even Lin Zi felt left out, and decided to take a photo without them since she was neglected...


love triangle...tskkkk!


okay pictures starting to look wrong...


Photo of the night! Trivia: What was sw doing to SPL?


yet, there were moments where uncle sw felt unloved by SPL.


so he decided to take more of his "model pose" photos with another girl to spite SPL.


and he tried to do some silly dance to attract SPL's attention...but all didn't work...


Finale "Everybody-is-happy-some-super-high" photo. Framing perfect because of xq's LCD screen which can be turned around! =)


hahaha, I really like my camera's photo colours sometimes! Saturated and warmmm, compared to other consumer cams.

They wanted to check out China One's pool tables after that, so we squeezed through and sigh don't like crowded places. Left shortly because crowded only. Left for supper @ Liang Seah Street's beef noodles. Then cabbed home.

It's great to have a friend staying right opposite you in Punggol, none other than SPL! Thanks for taking us to so many places, we had our share of fun! =)

Just a sidetrack, the 3 nurses were telling us OT (Operating Theatre) and hospital stories. Really like listening to these and talking to nurses. It reminds me of PL gang's times with NEO SHIMIN aka nurse of our clique. Hahahaha, but her stories delivered in a more drama way.

I miss shimin! and PL gang. Can't wait for PLIN's 23rd birthday celebration end of april! =)

Goodbye! Feeling kinda lethargic now, must cure myself before going for FSV cohort chalet later @ ECP.